Why happiness is never in someone else’s hands

It is impossible to make another human being happy, beyond the brief and momentary experience of delight, which is often confused with happiness.

When we set this as a goal we are doomed to fail for happiness is always temporary, often elusive and more often than not, a manipulative tool in the hands of those who demand that others provide it for them.

We cannot make ourselves happy, so how can we ‘make’ – that means create by our actions – someone else happy in any real sense?

If someone you love, as an adult of course, is unhappy then that is not your fault or your responsibility, presuming of course that you are acting in considered and mature and generally sensitive ways.

 

It is their responsibility and their choice. Each time they make you responsible for their happiness they are denying their own accountability and independence; denying you your freedom and demanding that you be held responsible for how they feel and for how they experience life.

In times past and in patriarchal cultures women did and do this because they were and are powerless, but in modern societies and in this age, there is no need, unless someone is severely emotionally or psychologically damaged, for anyone to ask anyone else to act or be in ways that are required to ‘make’ or ‘keep’ them happy.

Those who are not prepared to allow others to take responsibility for themselves become enablers and that is always destructive, for everyone involved.

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About rosross

Editor, writer, poet.
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